I Want To See You Again
by LightDarkandChaos
Summary: You can't forget your past, but you can stop it from repeating itself.


**I Want To See You Again**

Why can't I hear you when I listen for you?

Why can't I see you when I look for you?

Because you left me here, without you

Why didn't you wait?

We could've gone together

Why didn't I insist?

I may act tough, but within I'm just a kid

Thrust into maturity

By an overwhelming tragedy

That has shaped my life

Making me hard, making me strong

But that's all on the outside.

I'm killing myself, and I don't care anymore

I want to see you again

I want to hear your voice again,

Want to hear your laughter

Ringing in my ears.

Why am I so weak?

Why can't I be strong?

Why can't I have the strength

To accept that you're gone?

Why do I feel like I die a little

With every sunrise you're not here

Beside me, the way we were before.

I am surrounded by people now

People who care about me

People that want to be my friends

But I would throw it all away

To see your face again.

Why am I so weak?

Why can't I move on?

No one understands me

No one knows what I've gone through

But at least they're trying

I can't let them through

The steel mask I wear

To protect myself from

This ever happening again

But I'm growing colder and colder

Things will never be the same

Without you.

Can I face the new day

When I know you won't be there

To greet the sun with your smile,

The smile that I loved?

Can I face these people

These people that want to know me

The me that I have hidden

That I buried long ago?

Do have to listen to them?

Must I open up when I've

Been closed all this time

So nothing can hurt me again?

Can I keep my promise

If it means so much to you,

I will try, but I grow colder

In the darkness where my heart should be

There is only silence and cold.

They want to break through my armor

The armor I created from

The emotions that fill me,

Wrath and anger and sorrow

The emotions that give me

A reason to keep breathing

The emotions that give me

A reason to remember you

The emotions that hurt me

As much as they hurt others

They cut me, and I don't care.

The blood spilling from my veins

Surrounds me, dying me crimson

I don't care anymore

I can't care anymore

I won't care about anything

Then nothing can hurt me more

Then I'm already hurt

Until the day it's all too much

And I have to follow you

I want to follow you

But they pull me back again

I don't want to live without you

But they won't let me leave.

They burrow into my frozen heart

The heart that I thought died with you

On that day that replays in my mind

Every moment of every day

I need to see you, even if it's just a dream

Or even a terrible memory

I curl even deeper into myself

I won't let them come anywhere near

The real me, the child that I've always been

The child that cries, never ending the flow

Of his tears, rushing over

my broken, bleeding heart.

They know I'm killing myself

Slowly, painfully, I bleed myself to death

Slowly, painfully, I freeze my soul

I can't see in the darkness

I can't feel in the cold

It's the only way I can face

A world without you,

The only one I ever let see

The real me, the child,

That wants to follow you.

But they won't let me

They pull me back

With force if they have to

They make cracks in my armor

They try to shatter my mask

They try to force me out of hiding

They try to light up and thaw out

My hidden heart, and they grow closer

Every moment that I spend with them

Is that okay, Maria?

I don't want to die just yet.

They gave me a reason

A reason to live.

A world without you will hurt me

Every day I see a sunrise

And you're not there to see it

Will hurt me

But I think I can see what true strength is

It's not physical or mental,

It's what's in your heart

And if you can fight it back

And see what lies underneath the pain

That's what strength is

Maria, I can't follow you yet

I will someday, but I need to live

Before I decide I need to die

Maria, I can't see you yet.

But I will someday

And you'll be smiling.


End file.
